I’m going to bleed to death!
I must preface this by saying that I have a crazy life but I LOVE my life! I have been told that my blog posts tend to be rather sad. This is not my intention! I think I have a typical working mom experience but with a little extra drama! Speaking of drama…. Instead of this Friday, last Friday might as well have been Friday the 13th for my family.
Jesse had a wart that had been burned off three times but it kept growing back with a vengeance. He also had a mole that was worrisome to his pediatrician so we decided to take him to a dermatologist to have both of them removed at the same time. I took my wonderful Jesse and I had to take his comedian brother Chuck, because I had no babysitter.
To begin with, I was exhausted from a long day at work so I had very little fight left in me by the time we arrived for the appointment. While I was filling out what seemed to be 20 pages of forms, the boys noticed that the office offered free coffee to the patients. Of course they asked to try some. I figured they would take one sip and HATE it so when they asked if they could have a cup, I said, “Sure! Make yourselves some coffee BUT, you must finish whatever you make.” I then let them go make coffee while I went back to the paperwork. Before I knew it, they each had finished one cup of coffee and they were asking for another one! Panic set in as the nurse called us into the office.
Our nurse was sweet and elderly. She asked Jesse a few questions and Chuck proceeded to try to answer them FOR his brother. Not only did he not have the clue about what he was talking about but he was trying to be funny by cracking jokes and laughing. Since they both are jacked up on caffeine, they were especially chatty.
Jesse decided to talk about all his fears about cancer and scarring when it came to warts and moles – fears that he had never shared with me. Apparently, when he found out we were going to have them removed, he did some research. He even said that he liked his wart and mole so much that he had named them and he changed his mind about removing them. He wanted them to stay! The poor nurse looked at me wondering what she should do. I was wondering if forcing my son to have the things removed made me a bad mom!
Meanwhile, Chuck is cracking his jokes about moles and warts and how weird his brother is, and how gross his warts and moles are. Chuck even mentioned that his brother is “special” and that his brother has ADD. On and on …The worst was when the nurse asked Jesse a question and he replied to her with a lame, “Yeah”. I tried to nudge him into saying, “Yes ma’am”. Instead, Chuck proceeded to say, “Yeah, Jesse! She’s old so you should say yes ma’am to her”! The nurse chuckled and said,” You really have your hands full with these two.” I smiled weakly and agreed. She informed us that the doctor would be in soon and she left shaking her head.
While waiting for the doctor, Jesse panics about what is about to happen and Chuck proceeds to try to egg his brother on. Chuck cries, Jesse laughs. Chuck panics, Jesse giggles. Jesse begs to leave, Chuck begs to watch.
When the doctor arrives, he tries to explain in kiddy terms what he is about to do and Jesse is not buying it. He starts to wail and he says that he knows what he is about to have done and he wants to just get it over with. Chuck laughs and asks if it is going to bleed a lot. He wants to help and thinks it is cool. He asks if he can watch. The doctor then tries to talk to me. It just made Jesse more scared and Chuck more giddy, so I told the dr. to just get on with it. Since I promised Jesse that I would hold his hand and talk to him through the procedure, I couldn’t keep Chuck in line. While Jesse was getting his shots, he was screaming from either the pain or the graphic play-by–play from his brother! Some choice words from Chuck:
“Cool! That needle is so long.”
“Wow! Look at all that blood!!”
“Nasty. I think I saw your bones!
Needless to say this commentary drowned out any comforting words I tried to provide Jesse. I did what I could. I kissed away his tears and looked into his eyes. He seemed to manage until he smelled something burning. They were cauterizing the wound but of course Jesse thought they were burning his skin off. Chuck helped reinforce that idea.
The doctor finishes and puts band-aids on the wounds and told us that he should be fine. Jesse isn’t so sure. He thinks he needs more that a band-aid but I figure the doctors know what they are doing. Of course, Jesse can barely walk so we slowly make it to the elevator. After exiting the elevator, Chuck notices that Jesse is bleeding and the blood is running down his leg. Chuck jumps around like a monkey and screams out in the lobby, “Hey, mom! His leg is bleeding. He is bleeding to death! Cool!” At the sight of the blood running down his leg, Jesse freaks out and turns white as a sheet. He screams, “I told you I needed more than a band-aid!! I’m going to bleed to death!” A sweet but startled nurse in the buildings lobby sees us, runs up to us, and offers to fix him up. She takes us into one of the examining rooms in her office. It just happens to be a gynecologists’ office. So, in the presence of stirrups and posters of the female anatomy, she ever so sweetly bandages up Jesse. She does such a good job calming him down and fixing him up that we left feeling pretty good.
We get in the car and Chuck is having too good of a time telling us how cool and gross it was watching the procedure. I decide at that moment to NOT let Chuck ever come again to any medical procedure that does not involve him. Jesse says he is in too much pain to walk. He wants to know if we could go buy some crutches. I sigh and ask him if we could just go buy ice cream instead. He agrees and so does Chuck!
After a few minutes, Jesse starts smiling and said that he saw those pictures of naked women on the wall. Chuck laughs and said that he did too. I sigh and realize that I do have my hands full with these two.