I am okay, but am I “good”? Social experiment #1.
PLEASE EXCUSE THE CHEESEBALL FACTOR. WHEN I AM TIRED, WILD THOUGHTS APPEAR IN MY HEAD AND THEN, SOMETIMES, ONTO PAPER.
I have been thinking a lot about what it means to be a good person. I know the general consensus is that a good person keeps out of trouble and manages to stay out of jail. This person does not beat people or steal etc. and can hold down a job and feed his or her family. Based on these definitions, I think I can safely say that I am a “good” person. But, that isn’t good enough. I am shooting for the “above and beyond” definition not the “squeaking by” definition. For example the “above and beyond” good father adores and interacts with his children, supports his family emotionally, physically and financially. He is in for the long haul and his family is his main priority. The “squeaking by” good father pays his child support. To some that makes him a good father. I don’t want to be him!
Sure, I want to go to heaven and I want to live in a Christ-like fashion but what I am talking about is different. I don’t want to be a saint because, lets face it, I blew my chance at that when I put ice cubes down my sisters diaper to see what she would do. No, I want to be the girl who, when you tally it all up, has given more good to the world then bad. Is that too much to ask?
I have found that if I like someone, and I think they are “good”, I will literally do anything for them. I would do it without blinking an eye. The problem comes when I don’t particularly like or agree with someone. In this situation, I am anything but kind with these people. It is really revolting when I think about it. Sure, I am human but, I have found that this is a childish and therefore, embarrassing, flaw of mine. In reality, I should really put forth more good to those that are struggling and may not appear to be “good” in my eyes but are as good as they can be at that moment. Those are the people who need positivity in their life not a “you are a jerk and I am going to teach you a lesson” lesson from me. Right?
As I say this, I realize that awareness is one thing and practice is truly another. In the moment, when someone is less than charitable, it is so difficult to shed my insecurities, fight my defensiveness, and act like the “good” person I strive to be. That is why I am going to conduct my own, non-scientific, non-double blind study on this very thing. I am going to bulldoze through my mental crap and attempt to be consistently “good”! You can be a jerk (you know who you are) and I am going to be good back to you – NOT GREAT, but good. If you cut me off, I will smile and carry on. If you talk rudely to me, I am going to counter with firm but kind words (God help me on this one). Finally, if you undermine me or talk behind my back, I will not fume. I will not gossip. I will ask you what the ding-dong-dang deal is. I may not like what your answer is but I will deal with it and the consequences. I will be kind but I will not be weak – there’s a big difference.
Wish me luck. This will be hard but interesting. I will keep you posted.
Let me know what your thoughts are on this. Am I alone with these thoughts or have you too, thought about this? Hmmm…it makes me wonder.